question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
