Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
