I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
