you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
