I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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