So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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