Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We got so high we made milksteak
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
