I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
