Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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