Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
