Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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