giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
