Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize
