I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
