i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
