Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize