So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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