Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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