you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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