everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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