I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
