It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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