Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
