she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
