My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
