dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
