now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
