I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize