Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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