just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
