That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are we still banned from the library?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
