we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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