not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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