If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
