Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
True college students do jello shots in the library
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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