When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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