just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
