I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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