You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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