I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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