why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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