who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize