It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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