I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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