She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
