wakey wakey hands off snakey
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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