did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
