Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
