nut hugger
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
