She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
