she takes plan B like it's going out of style
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
