So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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