That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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