dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
