Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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