im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
