maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
