she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
