theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
