giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
