What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
