i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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