my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
