I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The uberlube is also flammable
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
