Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
