I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize