BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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