I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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