we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
