Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
