After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize