Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
