peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He has the fingertips of a God
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