My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
