I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I had to cum in my sink.
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