He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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