Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
