2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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