So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
