yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
