So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
