I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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