drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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