Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
