Im at strip club and am horny
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
