Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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