dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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