I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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