Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
