can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
