I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
