Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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