I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
