Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize