dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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