my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
