i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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