Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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